Come Here For Free Brain Haemorrhage

I swear, this Chinese New Year break right smack at the beginning of the 4th week of the semester is going to screw things up further down the road. Make-up lectures to plan for, delayed webcasts to watch, rescheduling of tutorials, it's a blessing that my 2 tutorials for even weeks are on Wednesdays and Fridays.

Today was just another quiet day spent resting at home, and it was business as usual for me, spending all my time in front of the computer surfing the Internet and checking out pictures of hot girls, while at the same time worrying and fretting about more important things that I really should get around to doing.

The crazy cocksters at Talkingcock.com came up with an article that involved coming up with some really interesting names for the results of mixing different dog breeds together:

http://www.talkingcock.com/html/article.php?sid=1857

The Year of the Dog is here, so here are some suggestions for mutts that you might want to try cross-breeding on your own!

Collie + Lhasa Apso = Collapso: a dog that folds up for easy transport

Terrier + Bichon Frise = Terrierise: a dog you need to watch for violent behaviour

Doberman + Poodle = Doodle: a dog that’s easy to draw

Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever = Lab Coat Retriever: the favourite of Biopolis research scientists

Terrier + Bulldog = Terribull: not a very nice dog

Pekinese + Bulldog = Peekabull: a dog that likes to play hide and seek

Cocker Spaniel + Doberman + Poodle = Cockadoodle: a dog that can be a bit chicken

Spitz + Chow Chow = Spitz-Chow: a dog that throws up a lot

Collie + Malamute = Commute: a dog that travels to work every day

Weimaraner + Neapolitan Mastiff + Poodle = Wei-Nea the Poo: the puppy who likes hunny in his tummy

Bull Terrier + Shih-tzu = Uh, never mind....

Chihuahua + Basset Hound + Irish Setter = Eh! This is a family website, ok!

Chow Chow + Chihuahua + Basset Hound + Irish Setter = Oi! I said stop it!

I was a little pleasantly surprised to see that this particular article was reproduced in the last page of 8 Days - oh well, no point trying to pretend that people who read 8 Days don't know what possible names are implied for the last 3 mutts...

And hey, naming mongrels like that isn't something new; ever heard of the Cockapoo? Yes, that's my Every day has its dog™ for today; the Cockapoo is the result of breeding a Cocker Spaniel with a Poodle, and there is a movement to recognise it as a legitimate breed of its own in some circles. That is, owners of Cockapoos are carrying out selective breeding among their dogs to standardise the traits of the breed, and have even form clubs and societies of their own.

Oh well, that's how virtually every breed of dog we have today gets its start anyway; there are very few dog breeds that were not originally the result of mixing different breeds together and then breeding for selected traits for several generations. Of course, it does mean that a lot of inbreeding goes on, what with cousins and siblings mating and children mating with their parents (incest!), and in time to come it's possible that we'll see Cockapoos predisposed to a list of various genetic and hereditary defects, deformities and diseases.

But that's the price of being a pedigree dog; every breed has its share of congenital disorders which mean that indiscriminate breeding is generally frowned upon. Dalmatians can be prone to congenital deafness and gout. Golden Retrievers often die of an inherited heart defect that over time causes the heart muscles to deteriorate. German Shepherd Dogs are notorious for hip dysplasia, where the joints fail to develop normally, leading to a crippled dog that may require hip replacement surgery at just one year of age. The list simply goes on and on. Other breeds are prone to health issues that occur simply because of the very same exaggerated physical traits that countless dog owners have selected for over the generations. For example, because of the large blocky head, British Bulldogs often have problems giving birth, and several breeds like the Pug may have breathing problems from time to time because of their shortened snouts.

All in all, these various ailments and disorders lead to heartbroken owners and thousands of dollars spent on veterinarian bills trying to alleviate problems manifest in puppies whose parents probably should never have been allowed to mate together in the first place. And more often than not, these dogs suffer a great deal of pain and agony.

If they're fortunate, they get loving owners who make sacrifices and lifestyle changes to accommodate their dog's needs, and who would stop at nothing to see their dog healthy and happy, even if it means spending more on veterinarian bills than on groceries. But if they're unlucky, they are abandoned, where they die in the streets or get rounded up and euthanised by the authorities, or are placed in animal shelters that are more often than not already overcrowded and the dog either lives out the rest of its days in a cramped little cage or gets put to sleep. In any case, such dogs that were unfortunate enough to inherit lousy genes from their parents die prematurely.

This also helps explain why most mongrels are relatively fitter, more hardy and resilient than purebred dogs; it's called hybrid vigour. Most pedigree breeds are the result of intensive breeding and selection for particular traits, and usually come from only a small handful of founders. Eventually, the dogs are so highly inbred that the chance of inheriting genes that may select for potentially harmful defects or disorders is so much higher. But since most of the alleles that select for such debilitating genetic illnesses are recessive, it requires that both parents have the same copy of the gene. Hence, an infusion of new genes into a bloodline and as a result a more diverse gene pool can reduce the chances of a puppy inheriting two copies of the same recessive gene from its parents, but in the world of pedigree dogs, that is usually a good way to disqualify the resulting puppies from contributing to the continuation of that particular breed.

People bred Poodles with Cocker Spaniels to produce a dog that combined the best of both breeds: A wonderful disposition, high intelligence and curiosity, devoted loyalty, as well as for the characteristics of little to no dander, shedding or odour. In short, with the Cockapoo, you get a lively, outgoing and playful dog that's lots of fun and always eager to please, but sheds little, doesn't have much of an odour and doesn't make you sneeze all the time. And believe me, Cocker Spaniels shed A LOT.

As an aside, it seems that there's actually an attempt to separate Cockapoos into 2 different categories now - English Cockapoos and American Cockapoos. This separation depends entirely on whether one of the parents is an English Cocker Spaniel or an American Cocker Spaniel. Talk about splitting hairs if you ask me, especially when the Cockapoo itself is yet to be universally accepted as a distinct breed. But it does remind me of the way in which the American and English Cocker Spaniels were separated in the first place.

The 'original' Cocker Spaniel was a dog bred largely for field work; in flushing out game birds, and retrieving birds shot down by the hunter. However, in North America, a number of the kennels in the 1920s and 1930s began breeding the Cocker Spaniel for other characteristics. Some tried to breed for conformation, to reduce the variability of the breed and ensure more consistency, while others were breeding for show purposes.

This led to the production of an "Americanised" Cocker Spaniel, slightly smaller, 1 to 2 inches shorter at the withers, a smaller head and muzzle, a more dramatic down-slope of the top line, and a longer, silkier, more dense coat of hair. The events of the year 1935 helped solidify the differences even further, when the breeders who favoured the English style formed a separate club from the original American Cocker Spaniel Club (established in 1881), and agreed not to interbreed their lines with this new "Americanised" variety.

Thus, the two Cocker Spaniels have been considered separate breeds ever since, although confusion does pop up from time to time, since the American Cocker Spaniel is known in the USA as the "Cocker Spaniel" (with no prefix regarding country of origin); whereas across the Atlantic, in the UK it is the English Cocker Spaniel that is offically recognised as the "Cocker Spaniel". Bloody Americans, trying to confuse us with their way of naming dog breeds, I tell you. It's just like the absolute mess they've made out of spelling and punctuation. Meanwhile, people everywhere else call these two dogs by their full names, and have to sift through the confusion that often results from people using "Cocker Spaniel" to refer to two separate and distinct dog breeds.

The differences between the two can be seen below (note that colour in both breeds is highly variable):


Above: English Cocker Spaniel
Below: American Cocker Spaniel

But back to the main subject of breeding purebred dogs to produce hybrids...

A cursory search reveals that due to its low-shedding quality and intelligence the poodle has been used as the base of "hybrid" breeding stock for decades. And there is a list of whimsical nicknames that have been coined for the puppies that are born from such unions:

Bichon-Poo (Bichon Frise X Poodle)
Lhasa-Poo (Lhasa Apso X poodle)
Maltipoo (Maltese X Poodle)
Pekeapoo (Pekingese X Poodle)
Pomapoo (Pomeranian X Poodle)
Scottiepoo (Scottish Terrier X Poodle)
Shih-poo (Shih Tzu X Poodle)
Westiepoo (West Highland White Terrier X Poodle)
Yorkiepoo (Yorkshire Terrier X Poodle)
Cavadoodle (Cavalier King Charles Spaniel X Poodle)
Doodle (Dachshund X Poodle)
Goldendoodle (Golden Retriever X Poodle)
Labradoodle (Labrador Retriever X Poodle)
Schnoodle (Miniature or Standard Schnauzer X Poodle)
Shepardoodles (German Shepherd Dog X Poodle)

There's even a La Schnoodle (Labrador Retriever X Schnoodle). That's right, a dog that's 1/2 Labrador Retriever, 1/4 Schnauzer, and 1/4 Poodle.

I found a website devoted to hybrids, with an entire list full of weird combinations and silly-sounding names. American Canine Hybrid Club Hybrid Breeds

But I wonder if one day we'll ever see a Chibernard (Chihuahua X Saint Bernard), a ChiDane (Chihuahua X Great Dane), Chistiff (Chihuahua X English Mastiff) or a Chirish (Chihuahua X Irish Wolfhound). Which would be VERY impressive, considering that you're talking about breeding Chihuahuas, the smallest breed of dog, with the 4 largest dog breeds around. Or hey, any union that involves crossing large breeds with small breeds will do. Should make for some interesting stories about mating, pregnancy and giving birth. Hey, I don't know if it's even remotely possible for a Chihuahua to mount a Great Dane bitch and achieve sufficient penetration, but what about mating a Great Dane with a Chihuahua bitch?

First of all, can the Great Dane mount the Chihuahua bitch without causing the Chihuahua to explode (yuck)? Imagine if the Great Dane's penis is almost half the length of the Chihuahua's entire body length. Then, there's still the mildly disturbing thought that comes with wondering if there's enough room inside a Chihuahua for a litter of puppies whose size would probably fall right in between that of their parents (Can you imagine a heavily pregnant Chihuahua bursting at the sides from puppies that are too large for her uterus??!) And then there's the thought of giving birth. Can you imagine all the pain the mother Chihuahua would be in? Would it be possible for the puppies to pass through the mother's birth canal without causing her to rupture and die from massive haemorrhaging? I figure a Caesarian would be necessary...

Then there is the Australian Bulldog, which is actually a hybrid with a high percentage of British Bulldog, Staffordshire Bull Terrier, Boxer and Bullmastiff in its ancestry. Like the Cockapoo, it has many fan clubs, which seek to standardise the breed and get it recognised in future as a distinct breed of its own.

Unlike in the past, when mongrels were mongrels and were valued far less than pedigree dogs, these specialty mixed breeds are becoming increasingly more popular. Now termed 'designer' dogs, many breeders tout these mixed breeds as the best dog to have, combining the best traits of two breeds without the potential problems of a purebreed.

But such a trend is not without its problems. Just like purebreeds, these mixed-breeds are often cursed with amateurs and backyard breeders who couple dogs without experience or knowledge of genetics. The main advantage that comes from a pedigree dog is that its physical traits, behaviour and temperament are more or less predictable. A person who buys and adopts a purebreed can more or less expect what special care the dog requires, the best way to handle and socialise the dog, and make the necessary adjustments and provisions even before the dog arrives. True, there is variation from individual to individual, but generalisations can be made. For example, it can be assumed that all Alaskan Malamutes will require lots of exercise, be strongly independent and friendly to people, or that any Jack Russell Terrier you meet on the street will be energetic, inquisitive and require a lot of attention, and will bark a lot. There are exceptions, but generations of selective breeding mean that most individuals of a breed will be fairly similar in demeanour, temperament and behaviour.

This measure of predictability is absent where it comes to mixed breeds; one can never be sure what one is getting, especially with first-generation (F1) hybrids. You might get a dog that requires lots of exercise or is content to just lie around all day; you might have a dog that is submissive and obedient or stubborn and defiant. You might end up with a dog that can be left alone all day or have one that needs to be around people all the time. With a mixed-breed, you never know what you're going to get, and only through trial and error is it possible to learn what's best for both human and dog. Not all dog owners have the patience and time for this, and hence, many hybrids and mongrels end up abandoned and unwanted.

And while in general mixed breeds are less prone to health problems than purebreds, there are certain combinations which should probably never be risked. Crossing a Pug with a Pekingese, for example, could produce disastrous consequences. Both breeds have eyes that easily pop out of the socket to rest on the cheek. Surgery is required to fix the injury, often at the cost of the dogs' sight. Breeding the two could yield a dog that literally has its eyes falling out. And a Newfoundland and a Saint Bernard could generate a crippled giant — both of these breeds are plagued with hip dysplasia.

The truth of the matter is, no matter how experienced you are at handling or breeding dogs, you can never truly pick and choose and customise your cross-bred dog to look and behave the way you want it to be. Nature is far too random and unpredictable for that. And there is absolutely no way to find out the best way to handle such an animal except through trial and error.

And these new 'designer' dogs often command a high price. But there are thousands, if not millions of unwanted mongrels and mutts living on the streets and in animal shelters, where no one would want to adopt them for free or for a small fee. And there are all these fancy cross-breeds which in truth are no different from many of these mongrels, being sold for thousands. Promoting a trend that produces so many dogs in a world that already has too many puppies can only have dire consequences, especially in the hands of people ill-equipped to own a dog, and what happens to all these extra unwanted dogs if and when the fad dies away?

The last problem with mixed-breeds is an issue I have not seen discussed often, but which may prove to be a social problem as far as dogs in modern society are concerned.

In what may prove to be a sticky issue in future, hybrids are usually exempt from breed-specific legislation. Breed-specific legislation refers to laws that regulate the way certain breeds of dog are owned and/or handled. To use Singapore as an example, the following breeds must be leashed and muzzled at all times when in public:

Bull Mastiff
Bull Terrier
Doberman Pinscher
German Shepherd Dog or related Shepherd Dog breeds
Rottweiler
Perro de Presa Canario

Note that cross-breeds of any of these dogs do not fall under the legislation, and so would probably be able to run about unleashed and without a muzzle.

But imagine if we had a dog that had say, Rottweiler and Siberian Husky parents. Rottweilers in general are playful, learn quickly, eager to please their owners and yet can be strong-willed at times and react to unfamiliar situations with aggressive behaviour. The Siberian Husky is affectionate, docile and curious, but sometimes cannot be trusted with smaller animals, can have an independent streak, and has a wanderlust and is prone to run loose.

Now, if we take our hypothetical dog, a mixture of Rottweiler and Siberian Husky, we can only hazard a guess as to what sort of temperament it would have. Maybe it would behave like a Rottweiler, maybe it would act like a Husky, maybe it would have a mixture of traits or a character of its own. Or imagine the worst-case scenario where the dog possesses qualities from both parents: a dog that is prone to escaping and wandering, curious and playful, yet is not safe with smaller animals and reacts to unfamiliar situations with aggression. This dog, despite its parentage, would not fall under any regulations. But all it would take was a single incident in which the dog wandered off, played with some kid and ended up biting the child out of fear or playfulness or mauled somebody's Silky Terrier to bring out the fear and hysteria and result in even harsher and more draconian laws and regulations set against all dog owners.

Of course, such a scenario could happen with any dog, regardless of its breed or parentage. But mixed-breed dogs that have parents commonly associated as guard dog or attack dog breeds that remain free from regulation can be a time-bomb, especially in the hands of a novice owner who has yet to fully understand his/her dog's temperament. Lack of proper training and socialisation, and a general lack of public awareness as to proper ways to react to strange dogs further compound the problem.

Due to lots of hype and fear regarding a supposed increase in dog attacks, many cities worldwide have imposed regulations and laws regarding larger breeds. In Singapore, dogs like the American Bulldog, American Pit Bull Terrier, American Staffordshire Terrier, and Staffordshire Bull Terrier (these 4 breeds are collectively known in popular culture and the mass media as "Pit Bulls"), Akita, Tosa and Neapolitan Mastiff (In the Harry Potter books and movies, Hagrid's dog Fang is a Neapolitan Mastiff) have been effectively banned since 1991 (despite the fact that in dog attacks one frequently reads about in the media, part of the blame can almost always be laid on the victim or the owner). When this legislation was passed, all dogs belonging to this breeds that were already present in Singapore were required to be sterilised, and a $5000 bond had to be paid by the owner, to be forfeited in the event that the dog attacks a person. (As an aside, what qualifies as an "attack"? If the dog playfully jumps at a person and knocks him down, is it counted as an attack? What if someone is taunting the dog and the dog bites in retaliation? Is a playful nip considered as an attack? Or is it only when the dog actually mauls somebody or someone's pet is the act classified as an attack?)

While in Singapore, import or possession of cross-breeds of any of these breeds is illegal, the same cannot be said of other cities. It is possible that when faced with legislature that restricts ownership of say, American Pit Bull Terriers, irresponsible owners of these dogs who breed them for fighting or keep them as status symbols or for guarding contraband, these people will turn to crossing their dogs with other breeds to exploit the loopholes. And when these dogs attack, as is inevitable with improperly trained and socialised dogs, a whole new wave of hysteria and fear over dogs ensues. Never mind that it is often not the nature of the dog itself but the nature of the owner which makes a dog more likely to attack; never mind that if one looks at the figures, the majority of dog bites and attacks will usually come from the most popular breeds, simply because of sheer numbers. After all, if a large proportion of the dogs living in an area are say, Golden Retrievers, correspondingly it is likely that a large proportion of the dog bites reported will come from this breed.

Mixed breeds have their advantages and disadvantages; with patience and dedication, they can make wonderful pets. They can give fun and companionship without the health problems of purebreeds, and possess a touch of uniqueness and novelty. But it cannot be guaranteed that what you hope for in a dog is what you get; genetics is a messy affair. And the high prices that many of these 'designer' dogs command can be staggering. It's not worth it if you don't really desire a particular look or breed and all you want is a dog to welcome you after a hard day's work, to play countless games of fetch with you, to wake you up in the morning with a cold wet nuzzle to your face. If that's all you want, there might just be a dog waiting for you in your local animal shelter. As a final note, perhaps the most important factor regarding owning a dog, ANY dog, regardless of whether its a purebreed or a mixed-breed, whether it was born in the streets or in a bed, is a word that many dog owners sadly fail to remember: responsibility.

I haven't even touched on the potential problems and headaches posed by people who deliberately mate wolves and domestic dogs to produce wolf-dog hybrids, or wolfdogs. Then there are dogotes and coydogs, the result of a union between coyote and domestic dog. And there are even people who have bred domestic dogs with golden jackals. Now that's an even bigger kettle of fish. But that's a tale for another day...

Related Links:

What's a Labradoodle — Designer Dog or Just Another Mutt?
The Mixed Breed Dog - The Heinz 57 is the dog for me
Much Ado About Poo - Are Cock-a-poo's, Peke-a-poo's and the other poo dogs real breeds?
Purebred Dogs vs. Mixed Breed Dogs - Purebred Dogs
Purebred Dogs vs. Mixed Breed Dogs - Mixed Breed Dogs
Wikipedia: Mixed-breed dog
Wikipedia: Dog hybrids and crossbreeds
Designer Dogs: Meet the Puggle
Designer dogs are mutts in disguise
Designer Dogs

Listening to: Who Let The Dogs Out by Baha Men

Cockapoo

Labels: Every day has its dog

Hope you've all been having an enjoyable Chinese New Year holiday so far, or as mr brown (or rather, his daughter Joy) said:

Horse Arrive Work Done
Step Step High Rise
Year Year Got Fish
One Road Smooth Wind
Heart Think Work Done
Dragon Horse Sperm God and
Gong Xi Fa Cai!

Well, I've pretty much done all the visiting that I've needed to do for the year.

It was as I expected; relatives remarking on how tall I've grown, even though they've seen me every year, asking me about my studies, remarking how thin and gaunt my sister is, and catching up on who's been getting married and who's going to have children and all that usual business grown-ups do.

But among the most enjoyable parts of the visit were spent munching on all the snacks and goodies. I really couldn't help myself, and in spite of my sore throat, helped myself to loads of pineapple tarts, bak kua, peanuts and chocolate. Needless to say, I woke up today feeling quite hoarse. But hey, I guess I do sound sexier now.

And playing with my nephews, especially Ashton, really was quite fun, especially since they're still toddlers and have learnt to walk and talk and spend most of their time doing funny things with their toys. It'll be quite a blast seeing the next generation grow up, considering that it seemed like it was only a few years ago that my cousins, my sister and I were the youngest generation. Like I told my sister, "I won't be surprised if they call you Auntie one day". As if there's really that much of a difference; we did spend quite some time amusing ourselves with the various little toys, enjoying a second childhood.

One of the toys that reminded me of my younger days was this battery-operated toy. I'm not sure if many of you would have seen such a toy before, but it was a basic setup that provided hours of entertainment for me. The whole toy consists of a staircase with moveable parts, and a small single-lane plastic track that runs from the top of the staircase, twists and loops around, and goes all the way back to the foot of the stairs. Add little plastic figurines with wheels and magnets at the bottom, flip the switch, and you can just watch as the little figures ascend the stairs, slide round and round the contraption, and return to the bottom to begin the routine all over again. If I recall correctly, the one I had in my childhood contained three little penguins in red, black and blue, while the one that I saw and played with yesterday used tiny figurines of Mickey Mouse, Minnie Mouse and Donald Duck.

Of course, being two decades older now, I amused myself in very different ways. I'd try and see if the figurines could climb the stairs when facing backwards, which they succeeded in doing. Then I tried to see if I could flick the figurines with my finger, causing them to tumble back down the stairs. If toys had consciousness and self-awareness like in Toy Stories, they'd probably hate my guts.

I did notice that I have a sadistic little streak that manifests itself even when playing with little children. My sister said so, especially when I entertained the little kids by simulating accidents with cars colliding, cars running over people, cute little teddy bears mauling Mickey Mouse. And when Ashton left his teddy bear on a low shelf before running off to play with something else, I asked my sister whether I should place the teddy bear on a higher shelf and see if Ashton could reach it. My sister just rolled her eyes, shook her head and said, "Don't be sadistic lah you."

Speaking of teddy bears, my nephews are the newest beneficiaries of my banquet waiter job, since my mum just gave away my little collection of teddy bears to them. You know how you get these little free gifts when you attend a wedding dinner? Well, from time to time, we get these cute little teddy bears, and of course there's always the chance to filch an extra bear or two. I had quite a collection, and there was quite a variety of bears, you could consider them as different 'editions'; some were fuzzy, some were not, some had articulated limbs that you could move, others held little hearts in their paws, while yet others were dressed in wedding garb. And my mum just gave all of them away to my nephews, and tossed one to my dog. Sigh. I don't mind sacrificing one to my dog, since she's been fascinated with these bears ever since they brought them home, but hey, she could have left two of them behind. You never know when they might make good emergency Valentine's Day gifts. (If any girl is reading this post and notices that her little teddy bears that her boyfriend says are so goddamn rare and expensive are actually free wedding gifts, said boyfriend is so screwed)

And my mum forgot one important detail: she forgot to remove the labels. *facepalms* I was a little surprised to see that the teddy bear that little Ian was holding still bore the label that prouodly proclaimed in large Italics, "Thank you for sharing our joy", with my hotel's logo emblazoned below. And then I was a little horrified to realise that some of the older bears, actually had labels that still had the wedding couple's name on them! Er...... *looks away in mild embarrassment* Oh well, it's not as if I was trying to give them away to a girl or something.

Before I stray out of point yet again, how could I forget the most important part about visiting elders during the Lunar New Year? Why, collecting red packets, of course!





$112 in all. Pretty meagre bounty, if you ask me, and considering that I know of people who received twice that amount, and that's just on their first day of visiting alone.

Oh well, if its any consolation, at least I get to spend more time to myself and truly enjoy the holiday, rather than spend all my time trying my best to humour relatives I hardly know. *shrugs*

It seems it's now my sister's turn to fall sick; maybe it was the plate of Shanghai nian gao that I shared with her, or maybe it's just the effect of all the chocolates and snacks she's been devouring over the past few days. Or maybe I did spread the dino flu to her. Hey, consider it payback for all the times she's made ME sick.

And by the way, if you're wondering what Shanghai nian gao is, it's a family favourite every Lunar New Year. It consists of these small rice cakes that are soaked overnight and then fried with mushrooms, cabbage and prawns. Absolutely delicious. It's a dish my mum prepares year-round, but it's during the Lunar New Year that I get to see how much I can eat, since all my relatives who hail from Shanghai try their hand at it. Here's a picture and a recipe from Precious Moments:



Another perennial favourite of ours is smoked chicken, a dish that takes a long time to prepare, but it's worth the effort and time. Yum.

This is making me hungry.

*Note: I don't actually have nephews in the strictest sense of the term, I just prefer to use that term since they're the children of my mum's cousins children (or I think that's how I'm related to them). Don't ask; it's a complicated affair once we go two generations back, and you realise that your 'uncles' are just a few years older than you, hence making you two decades older than the 'cousins' you're playing with. I prefer to use the term 'nephews', since I figure they're going to grow up calling me "Uncle" anyway.

Listening to: The One by Backstreet Boys

Dingo

Labels: Every day has its dog

To commemorate the year of the Dog, I've decided to do something a little new for this blog. For the rest of this year, until the next Lunar New Year comes round, I shall post a picture of a different breed of dog every day.

Don't worry about me running out of dog breeds; there are more than 800 breeds according to some estimates, with breeds coming from every continent, and ranging in size from Chihuahuas to Saint Bernards, and in almost every colour combination imaginable. Pretty amazing diversity when you consider that they're all the same species.

So, anyway, here's Every day has its dog™ #1:


English Cocker Spaniel

Labels: Every day has its dog

English Cocker Spaniel

Labels: Every day has its dog

I'm just sitting in my room typing this out as we make preparations to go over to my aunt's place for reunion dinner. It's a pity I've got a reunion dinner to attend; yesterday evening my colleague Mitchell called me and asked me whether I'd wanted to work today evening. When I told her I had a reunion dinner to attend, she told me that the pay was $10 per hour. Despite a voice inside me that fervently begged me to agree, I had to turn her down. Dammit. Oh well, blood is thicker than money, I suppose.

Sigh... somehow, I'm not really that terribly excited about all this Chinese New Year stuff. It's over this period of time that my mum gets especially naggy, making us clear our stuff as she works herself into a frenzy, cleaning and wiping and washing and sorting out old junk. And then she'll whine and gripe about how she works like a slave and no one bothers to lift a finger to help her.

And visiting? I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing, but the fact that we've effectively severed ties with my dad's side of the family means that we have only 2 households to visit every year. But the bonus is that those 2 houses, which belong to great-grandaunts of some sort, are large enough so that everyone just congregates and gathers at these places. And furthermore, one of them lives in Kembangan, the other in Geylang. Hence, travelling time is cut short, and we get to do all our socialising and red packet-giving all at one go.

And don't let me get started on the relatives. While I'm reasonably competent in Mandarin, and my grasp of Hokkien is rudimentary, many of my older relatives speak little more than Hokkien or that weird Shanghai dialect. And back when my paternal grandfather was still alive and we still visited my father's side of the family, they conversed largely in Cantonese, a dialect I still do not understand till this day, which was quite a shame to some of my older relatives, given that I am Cantonese (half-Cantonese actually; my father's side is Cantonese, my mother's side of the family is Shanghainese and Hokkien, but let's not split hairs shall we?).

To cut a long story short, most of my older relatives speak very little English, and little Mandarin for that matter; they're most comfortable conversing in their native dialects. Which leads to me spending lots of time nodding and smiling when I have seriously no idea what on Earth they're talking about; for all I know, they could be asking me whether I sold my soul to Satan so that aliens from Mars could resurrect the dinosaurs to attack mankind and allow human beings to be abducted and sent off to Venus where we'd be reared as livestock and... you get my drift.

You know, this reminds me so much of that little part of Russell Peters' comedy act, the part where he goes to Italy and the locals speak Italian to him and he pretends he understands what they're saying. Don't know what I'm talking about? Have no idea who Russell Peters is? My goodness, you don't have many friends do you?



And when my relatives speak to me, it's ALWAYS the same old stuff. Despite the fact that my height has not changed to any great degree for the past 5 years or so, they ALWAYS have to keep harping on how tall I've grown. And then there are the mandatory questions about where I'm studying, when I'm graduating, and whether I have a girlfriend or not. The last one always vexes me, because I always answer in the negative, and then they'll always give some advice about taking my time, that I can always find one after I finish my studies and begin working, and my father will always want to show off his appalling sense of humour by saying, "Girlfriend don't have. Boyfriend have." *facepalms* Har de har har, that was so funny...

Oh well, hopefully in years to come I won't have to go through the same ordeal as portrayed by talented local comic artist, Daniel Wang:



(As an aside, Daniel Wang really is a rare talent; he has a fine eye for the funny little things in life, plus he always makes the ladies in his comics and artworks look so damn good, you wish they were real live people. You really ought to check out his blog and the 3 comics he has produced so far)

The only things I do look forward to during the Lunar New Year are the red packets, and feasting on the various tasty treats and goodies. Of course, given that I am now cursed with a sore throat, I can't gorge myself silly on pineapple tarts and bak kua. Damn.

And if there's any other bonus, I get to see how my mother's cousins' children have grown, since the last time I saw them a year ago, they were still just a year old. Yup, no better way to make you feel old than to see your younger relatives just a mere decade or so older than you having children of their own. Sigh... I will probably have to prepare myself to get used to being called "Uncle!" when they start talking.

Colin Goh of TalkingCock.com fame made a comic that illustrates a phenomenon I'm sure most of us would be familiar with... yep, just what do shopping malls do with their Christmas decorations when the Lunar New Year arrives?



This year's the year of the Dog according to the Chinese zodiac, which means that I'll be turning 24. True, while my birthday will come later than most, it is a disconcerting thought when I realise that the last time the year of the Dog came around was when I was in Primary 6.

And seeing that it's the year of the Dog, I've decided to end this post with a picture of my English Cocker Spaniel bitch Bailey:



Finally, to end off, here's hoping everyone has a fun Lunar New Year, don't eat too much if you don't want to fall sick and lose your voice and get a serious acne outbreak, may your red packet earnings be fruitful, and hopefully you won't end up losing whatever you've collected at the mahjong table. But if you do, don't come and find me hor.

Listening to: Revolution by Klubbingman

Arts Bash was loads of fun.

Despite my illness, I dragged myself down to Club Momo, spent lots of time just hanging around and joking with my friends, and imagine my amazement when the lucky draw was held and I actually won the Creative mp3 player!

I then spent the rest of the night dancing away, and showing off my Mambo moves. Of course, I occupied my usual spot on the platform, and I was surrounded by loads of babes. Although there were times when the R & B got a little tiresome for me, just when I was about to leave the dancefloor, the music would change to Top 40s or commercial dance and I would be back on the podum once again, strutting my stuff. Once again, I was king of the dancefloor...

At least, that was how it happened in my dream.

In reality, I got home at 6.30 in the evening after school, flopped onto my bed, and proceeded to sleep all the way until 11.30 without even bothering to change out of my jeans. Yes. I was that sick and exhausted from my day in school.

Maybe it was a blessing in disguise; knowing my lack of self-control, if I had actually gone for the bash, I might have ended up dancing all night long and finally dropped dead from exhaustion and respiratory problems. And besides, I woke up feeling quite horrible; my nasal passages are still clogged up, and I'm now hacking and coughing like a tuberculosis patient.

Oh well, for those who did attend the bash, hope you all had fun. There will always be more chances to show off my dancing. Personally, I'd rather save my energy for a post-exam Mambo session in May, or for Arts Bash 2 in August.

Listening to: Ride On A Meteorite by Antares

I'm undecided as to whether I should grace the event or not; I've got a tutorial at 10 a.m. tomorrow morning, I'm still feeling under the weather, and besides, I'm not that big a fan of R & B. And I certainly won't be drinking, since I wouldn't want any complications to arise from the alcohol mixing with my medication.

But hey, even without drinking, I don't mind spending a few hours dancing, provided the music's right for me. And the fact that a Creative mp3 player is up for grabs is tempting.

Right now I'm sitting in the clubroom while the MC members are busy making preparations before they all head off to Club Momo; given the back to school theme, quite a number of them are planning to change into their old school uniforms. I already saw Peihong wearing that familiar old TPJC uniform, and right now, she's in that accursed AHS uniform.

Oh well, if you're bored tonight, you know where to go.

Listening to: Room At The Top by Adam Ant

Down with flu. Na bei.

And at such a wonderful time too, less than a week from the Chinese New Year holiday, a day before Arts Bash, and on the very day I'm supposed to meet up with Giang to donate blood, plus go for a morning run.

I'd already felt something was amiss the night before, when I was in the clubroom with a bad case of the sniffles and a blocked nose. And my throat did feel a bit funny.

Maybe running in the middle of a downpour and then stepping straightaway into the air-conditioned comfort of a LAN shop on Sunday afternoon wasn't such a good idea after all.

I ended up skipping school today and spent the entire morning and afternoon asleep, just trying my best to ignore the horrible dryness my throat was suffering from, and trying my best to unclog those nasal passages.

Now my entire body's aching, I feel a fever coming on, and I sneeze bright green sticky viscous mucus onto the tissue paper when I blow my nose.

And it just sucks that I have to haul myself to school tomorrow; I wouldn't care so much if I had lectures (which I could just skip), but then I also have a tutorial. My only hope is that I don't end up infecting everyone else who comes into contact with me.

And I certainly hope that my flu is not of avian origin. *sniff*

Listening to: Unwell by Matchbox 20

Bash.org Quote of the Day™:

BUBBLES> Shit. I need a date for a new year's eve concert.
Nick> December 31st

This is so outrageous it's hilarious.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/4593682.stm

Blazing mouse sets fire to house

A US man who threw a mouse onto a pile of burning leaves could only watch in horror as it ran into his house and set the building ablaze.

Luciano Mares, 81, of Fort Sumner, New Mexico, found the mouse in his home and wanted to get rid of it.

"I had some leaves burning outside, so I threw it in the fire, and the mouse was on fire and ran back at the house," he was quoted as saying by AP.

Though no-one was injured, the house and everything in it was destroyed.

"I've seen numerous house fires, but nothing as unique as this one," Fire Department Captain Jim Lyssy said.

New Mexico has seen several major blazes after unseasonably dry and windy conditions which have destroyed 10 homes and devastated more than 53,000 acres (21,200 hectares) of land.

Here's another article with more details:

http://cnjonline.com/engine.pl?station=clovis&template=storyfull.html&id=14942

Mouse takes down house

Dry conditions throughout the region have resulted in numerous grass fires and several structure fires in recent weeks.

On Saturday, a Fort Sumner man's home fell victim to a mouse fire.

Homeowner Luciano Mares said he caught a mouse inside his residence and discarded the creature in a pile of garden refuse he was burning on his property near the home.

"I had some leaves burning outside, so I threw it in the fire, and the mouse was on fire and ran back at the house," he said.

All contents of the wooden home were destroyed, according to village Fire Chief Juan Chavez. Aside from the mouse, no injuries were reported.

Chavez said the fiery mouse ran from the burning leaves to below a window of the home. The fire spread up the window and throughout the house, he said.

A neighbor reported the fire to authorities. Fire and smoke were spewing out of the attic and the 81-year-old homeowner was trying to extinguish the blaze with a garden hose when firefighters arrived at the Grove Street home, Chavez said.

Three fire trucks and 13 firefighters from two departments had the fire out within two hours, Chavez said.

Now staying at a Fort Sumner motel, Mares said he had a problem with pesky mice coming into his home through little cracks.

"They had been coming into the house. Some were barely babies. I set some traps out and I caught one," Mares said. Then he the threw the mini intruder into a pile of burning vegetation.

Because of the area's windy and dry conditions, Chavez cautioned against burning leaves, as well as attempting to dispose of mice in the way Mares had.

"I've seen numerous house fires," village Fire Department Capt. Jim Lyssy said, "but nothing as unique as this one."

Let's look on the bright side of things. At least his house doesn't have a mouse problem anymore.

Listening to: Never Enough by Industries of Lust

My goodness. It's raining again.

That's it, if I see some crazy guy building a huge boat and marching a large bunch of animals into it, I'm stowing away on board.

Listening to: It's A Rainy Day by Ice MC

Note: Thanks to all the readers who've offered me words of encouragement and advice on this post. phelan, jkaiser, Peng Tat my old classmate, Limin who apparently smashed into the same wall as I did, Faith who suggested another module that I might be interested in, and especially Ria, who is a living example that one does not need a Science degree to pursue my interests. Although it's a little too late for me to try appealing, if I pursue my Honours and need to find modules to fulfil my Breadth requirements, maybe I'd give it a shot again. (Although then the admin people might say, "Oh no! Not HIM again!" hahaha...)

Thank goodness I only had 2 hours of lecture today, from 4 to 6 in the afternoon, so I spent the better part of the morning asleep, and was busy talking cock with friends in school.

Na bei. The familiar Campus Supplies shop, which used to be situated just next to the Arts Club Room, has shifted to AS7, which is all the way at the other end of the faculty. Damn. No more sending my documents to print, then popping next door to collect them before going off for lecture. And one has to book computers at the PC Cluster in the Central Library now, and only for an hour per session, which is a good thing to prevent users from hogging the computers for the whole day, but it can get quite annoying when you're constantly reminded about the limited time you have left (although you can extend your usage of the computer by an hour at a time).

I feel a little odd thinking that I'll be seeing many of my friends in school for the last time this semester, since a lot of people in my batch are not staying for Honours but are instead opting to graduate with a Bachelor's instead. So if I do make the decision to stay for Honours, I'll probably be quite lonely in the Arts Club Room, with just a small handful of other 3rd year students. (Which will probably just amplify the feeling that I'm getting old even more)

Yuimin, Lionel and Rachel were advising Jingyi on ideas for our theme for Rag. It's hard to believe that it's been half a year since those days when we were all busy preparing for the big day. Hammering, sawing, tying things together, pasting up papier-mache, making final alterations to the costumes, while us dancers were busy trying our hardest to commit the dance steps and our coordination to heart (While some of us were also juggling O-Week commitments and responsibilities at the same time). I still bear on my chest a faint trace of that outrageous tan line I got from Rag Day, due to the body paint and those few hours spent in the sun.

There's a part of me that wants to return, even though my rational side tells me that it's not worth all that toil and effort when Rag has largely regressed to a flesh parade and a matter of how many people can be forced persuaded to commit their time and energy to the faculty when the odds of winning are so low?

Still, I would love to return as a dancer once again, though being a choreographer is beyond my capabilities.

Come to think of it, quite a number of people have been asking me if I was going to help out in FOP again this year. Though it's extremely unlikely that I would take on such heavy duties as I did last year, I really wouldn't mind coming back again as House IC for Arts Camp, or leading the Mass Dance (Hey! I have an idea! Let's make an official Arts Dance that will become a tradition carried forth through future generations of Arts freshmen! ). After the fun time I had at New Year's Eve, I've even started mixing and cutting some of my favourite retro songs to create a new mix that I could use if my services are required once again.

Of course, the main obstacles would be whether I would be so willing to commit my time if I were to graduate after this semester; even if I stayed to pursue my Honours, it's likely that all the incessant nagging from my mother and advice from friends not involved in FOP would compel me to make a token effort to seek an internship during that period of time.

There's a part of me that wants to graduate and get the Hell out of here and start earning my own income and live life as a responsible adult. Yet there's also a part of me that just wants to stay and continue to enjoy the fun, joy and laughter that comes with being a student surrounded with lots of wonderful friends. Living from day to day, where each day brings with it new adventures, new jokes, new funny videos and websites to be shared. Days spent just sitting at the big table, sharing the latest funny clips from Kontraband, while blasting music and singing along to some of our favourite Mandarin hits (usually coming from Steven's laptop). Or coming up with new ideas and plans to sneak out of school and flee to Ginza for a few hours of DotA without letting other people find out. Standing and squatting around the smoking corner at the back talking cock and discussing DotA strategy and finding out juicy gossip and details.

Like I've said before, I like coming to school, it's the studying part which I mostly can't stand.

This evening, something happened which gave me pause. Was it mere coincidence, or was there really something that made me identify with what was being said? For months, I've been in a state of internal turmoil, wondering when would be a good time to speak of my personal crisis, although every time I had a chance to and I saw my friends completely unaware of what I was going through, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Is this a sign? Or am I just grasping at straws, trying to retain some semblance of a life I've been trying to lead for years?

We shall see what happens this semester. Whether I am really returning to the fold, or whether it's just a final resurgence of hope and expectation that will soon lose steam and fade away once more, is not really for me to predict.

Listening to: Love In The First Degree (12" Mix) by Bananarama

First lecture of the semester. Here we go again, 4 months of skipping classes, rushing for tutorials, working through the night writing essays and typing project reports, and last minute mugging before the exams. Sigh...

(I use the term 'warm-blooded' in parentheses here because the animal world is actually not so clear-cut between what constitutes being warm-blooded and cold-blooded. However, I retain the use of the term because of its familiarity to most people)

It's been raining almost non-stop since last night already. *Insert snide remark about building an ark and the end of the world* Looking out the window, I see the neighbourhood crows sitting forlornly in the rain, feathers and beaks dripping, their once beautiful and sleek plumage now thoroughly soaked through.

It's at times like these that I appreciate how humans learned to exploit caves, then went on to develop the means to build houses.

I do wonder how the small critters survive in the heavy rain. Heck, if I was cold and wet, I would probably also do what the crow sitting in the tree outside my window is doing, and just sit there all day long and try to conserve energy and sleep. But being small means that there is a very thin line between hunger and starvation. I could see mynahs, crows and pigeons fasting for a day or two if conditions were really not conducive for foraging. The rats and mice probably still go about their business as usual in the sewers, where they're insulated from the worst of the weather to a certain degree. But what about even smaller, active species that depend on high-energy sources of food, like sparrows and sunbirds?

Among the birds, I think the species that would suffer the most in a prolonged downpour would be the tiniest species, which tend to either be insectivorous (insect-feeding) or nectarivorous (nectar-feeding). Their size means that they lose heat very rapidly, and have to keep feeding in order to sustain their elevated metabolisms. And yet foraging itself uses up that valuable energy. But one also cannot hope to sit out the downpour for too long, for even sitting still trying to maintain your body temperature burns up energy. It's a catch-22 situation that all small birds and mammals have to live with, even in the balmy tropics.

I know hummingbirds are so small, and their metabolisms are so high that at night, and in heavy rain, they actually have to go into a form of torpor. It's not just sleep, mind you, it's more akin to hibernation; breathing and heart rate go down, most of the organs shut down, in all respects the animal appears dead to the world.

The same curse goes for the smallest of the mammals, the shrews. Shrews lead such hectic and fast-paced lifestyles because otherwise they'd starve. Their metabolisms are so high, and their bodies so small, that all the energy they consume goes towards heat production. They have to feed constantly, otherwise they'll starve and die in hours; shrews have hardly any fat reserves to speak of. Even in the northern latitudes, in the dead of winter where snow blankets the ground, and most other small mammals are deep in hibernation, the shrews are still awake, running beneath the snow hunting for whatever meagre scraps they can glean. And which probably explains their voracity; shrews will tackle anything, even prey larger than them. Shrews will even go after small snakes and mice! Which is probably the main reason why shrews don't do well in captivity, since they have to feed almost constantly. (Another reason why live-trapping of shrews for study requires one to check the traps almost constantly, since a shrew that's trapped will definitely be dead by the time you get around to checking the traps the next morning)

That is the price of being a tiny warm-blooded creature. I figure the toads and lizards are probably safely in hiding somewhere waiting for the temperature to warm up a little (or maybe the temperature actually still isn't too low for them to do a bit of hunting). That is a privilege denied to the shrews. I'm not sure about the sunbirds though; it's true that their primary food source (nectar) is very high in energy and very quickly processed, but I don't know if any physiological studies have been done to show whether sunbirds face the same problems as their American analogues the hummingbirds. Besides, most sunbirds are still quite large compared to some of the hummingbird species.

At least the scraps of chicken left over from my lunch that I threw out the window seem to have disappeared by now. I think the crows and mynahs appreciated that gesture.

Note: For a brief overview as to why warm-blooded and cold-blooded are archaic and obsolete terms, and as to why terms such as 'ectothermic', 'endothermic', 'homeothermic', 'poikilothermic', 'bradymetabolic' and 'tachymetabolic' are much more accurate ways of describing animal metabolisms and control of body temperature, visit the following links:

http://reptilis.net/cold-blood.html
http://coolcosmos.ipac.caltech.edu/image_galleries/ir_zoo/coldwarm.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cold-blooded
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Warm-blooded

Listening to: Here Comes The Rain Again by Eurythmics

(Yes, my first mega-post of the year. Consider it a way of making up for all the posts I never got round to writing during the holidays)

Well, CORS bidding did go pretty smoothly this time around, although we shall wait and see what happens when balloting for tutorials begins after next week.

So CORS bidding is more or less over, and I've managed to get all the modules I've desired, but I'm still unhappy with the NUS administration.

Close friends and readers of this blog should more or less know by now that I have an interest and love for animals of all sorts, one that goes way beyond mere cute furry and huggable lifeforms. Instead, my appreciation and fascination extends to virtually every living thing great and small, from insects to whales and everything in between. And my interests can sometimes venture into the fields of academia; I'm probably one of those few people in Singapore who do not study Life Sciences and yet eagerly follow the news on the latest research and discoveries in the various fields of biology; I even read scientific journals on a rather regular basis (The joys of free university online subscriptions). As someone once said, I'm in the wrong faculty. And I wouldn't argue, since the main reason why I'm in Arts and Social Sciences instead of Science is because my proficiency in Maths is appalling. (If only I was this enthusiastic and knowledgeable where it came to my actual course of study)

Well, needless to say, although I'm an Arts student, I've readily jumped at the opportunity to take modules that allowed me to wield even a small part of my knowledge to my advantage. 3 of my favourite modules so far, which were GEK1515 Environmental Biology (sadly no longer offered), LSM1303 Animal Behaviour (a module I could and should have gotten an A+ for, except for a fatal mistake at the exam; I still kick myself from time to time over that) and GE3210 Natural Resources: Policy and Practice (My one and only A+, another module that sadly isn't offered anymore), were modules I enjoyed greatly, and it was in these modules that my interest and enthusiasm were made apparent to fellow coursemates I interacted with, as well as to my lecturers.

During the holidays, when I was busy planning my timetable for the coming semester and classifying the modules I've taken to date, I realised that I had space for one more Unrestricted Elective (UE) module. Which was a great joy, since I did not need to take another Arts Exposure module, and could fill that slot as I saw fit. So the first thing I did was to hop over to the Faculty of Science website and see if there were any Life Sciences modules I could take.

There was LSM1301 General Biology, but I was precluded from taking that because I took Biology at A-level. LSM1302 Genes and Society and LSM1303 Animal Behaviour I'd taken before, leaving LSM1304 Microbes, Environment and Man. I could still take that, although I was a little put off by the 2 lecture sessions per week, plus the lecture timings that were uncomfortably close to those of the Geography modules I wanted to take to meet my Major requirements. I'd already tried shuttling back and forth between Science and Arts before, and it was not something I would want to try again, especially if I had just a miserable 15 minutes to rush all the way to the other end of campus.

I decided to take a closer look at all the other Life Sciences modules that were not classified as Breadth, Cross-Faculty Modules (CFM), General Education Modules (GEM) or UE. As expected, most were not open to me, but there was a module that caught my eye: LSM1103 Biodiversity. A big smile lit up almost immediately. Here it was, the Holy Grail of Science modules. If I took this module, I could graduate a happy student, knowing that I'd made full use of my potential. And besides, it was a level-1000 module, meaning that it was one of the more basic modules catered for freshmen and such. I would likely flourish and prosper in the module.

There was a catch though: It was restricted to Life Sciences students only. Oh well, I thought, maybe if I express great interest in taking the module maybe they'd make an exception just for me.

I sent an email to the coordinator for the module, a certain Dr. Peter Todd:

From: Kwan Wei Ming Ivan
Sent: Sun 25/12/2005 17:39
To: Peter Alan, Todd
Subject: Interest in reading LSM1103

Good day, Dr. Todd, allow me to introduce myself. I am Ivan Kwan, currently a third-year undergraduate from the Faculty of Arts & Social Sciences. I have a very keen interest in biodiversity and ecology, and although I do not have a Major or Minor in Life Sciences, I am very interested in joining your class next semester. Knowing that LSM1103 is not offered as a Breadth, UE or CFM, I would like to know if there was any way I could still read the module to fulfil my UE requirement.

Hope to see you next semester.

Yours sincerely,
Ivan

His reply was short but did not really give me an answer:

From: Peter Alan, Todd
Sent: Tue 12/27/2005 5:47 PM
To: Kwan Wei Ming Ivan
Subject: RE: Interest in reading LSM1103

I have no idea Ivan - You will have to ask though the main office!

Peter

Fair enough; Maybe I'd have to go through the administration and see if it was possible to open up the module to a student who was greatly interested but whose sole obstacle in taking the module was his choice of faculty.

I sent an email to the relevant people in charge:

From: Kwan Wei Ming Ivan
Sent: Tue 12/27/2005 10:46 PM
To: Goh Aiwei, Ivy; Laurence Gwee
Cc: SCI Undergraduate Enquiry
Subject: Interest in reading LSM1103

Good day, allow me to introduce myself. I am Ivan Kwan, currently a third-year undergraduate from the Faculty of Arts & Social Sciences. I have a very keen interest in biodiversity and ecology, and although I do not have a Major or Minor in Life Sciences, I am very interested in taking LSM1103 next semester. Knowing that LSM1103 is currently not offered as a Breadth, UE or CFM, I would like to know if there was any way I could still read the module to fulfil my UE requirement.

Yours sincerely,
Ivan

The reply was short, swift, and brutal.

From: CORS Appeals
Sent: Wed 12/28/2005 10:05 AM
To: Kwan Wei Ming Ivan
Subject: Re: Interest in reading LSM1103

Good morning Ivan,

Thank you for your message and appeal.

I regret to inform you that LSM1103 is an essential module reserved for Life Sciences students only. As such, you will have to look elsewhere to fulfill your UR requirement. May I suggest that you investigate some modules such as LSM1301, LSM1302, LSM1303 or LSM1304?

You may obtain more information on these modules from our Life Sciences website.

http://www.lifesciences.nus.edu.sg/modules/1000.htm

Please let me know if you need more information.

With best wishes!

Of course, there was nothing that I didn't already know. I knew right from the start that I was excluded from the module because I was not a Life Sciences student; all I was asking for was if an exception could be made based on my enthusiasm and interest.

From: Kwan Wei Ming Ivan
Sent: Wednesday, December 28, 2005 4:46 PM
To: DBS CORS Appeal
Subject: RE: Interest in reading LSM1103

Thank you for your prompt reply.

I'm precluded from reading LSM1301 because I took Biology at 'A' level, and I have already taken LSM1302 and LSM1303 in previous semesters.

I understand the need to reserve the limited number of places for Life Sciences majors. However, I would like to know if it is possible that in the case that there are still vacancies left after the first 2 rounds of CORS bidding, whether these vacancies could be opened up to interested students who would otherwise be unable to read the module?

Yours sincerely,
Ivan Kwan

The next reply started to sound a little like a broken record...

From: DBS CORS Appeal
Sent: Thu 12/29/2005 9:48 AM
To: Kwan Wei Ming Ivan
Subject: RE: Interest in reading LSM1103

Good morning Ivan,

Thank you for your message and appeal.

I regret to inform you that LSM1103 is an essential module reserved for Life
Sciences students only.

-----------------------------------
Life Sciences Operating Centre
Life Sciences Program Committee
Faculty of Science

Alright, I knew that already, that's why I'm emailing you in the first place. -_-

From: Kwan Wei Ming Ivan
Sent: Thursday, December 29, 2005 4:45 PM
To: DBS CORS Appeal
Subject: RE: Interest in reading LSM1103

Dear Sir/Madam,

I understand the need to reserve places for students with a major or minor in Life Sciences, but are there any other reasons why a student like me who wishes to take the module purely out of a strong interest in the field cannot do so?

I am willing to make the necessary sacrifices to put in the extra effort in the module, and to work hard to ensure that I am able to keep up with the rest of the class.

Yours sincerely,
Ivan Kwan

Granted, I had very little to work on, given that interest and enthusiasm and willingness "to make the so-called sacrifices" cannot really be quantified, but I'm quite sure that if an Arts student can email the Department of Biological Sciences out of the blue asking to take a module reserved for Life Sciences students only, he's either very crazy or that he is actually genuinely interested and somewhat proficient in the subject. (Of course, both could apply to me in equal amounts)

From: DBS CORS Appeal
Sent: Thu 12/29/2005 4:59 PM
To: Kwan Wei Ming Ivan
Subject: RE: Interest in reading LSM1103

Dear Ivan,

Thank you for your interest in our module.

However, we regret to inform you that as we have limited places, we need to reserve them for our students.

-----------------------------------------------
Life Sciences Operating Centre
Life Sciences Program Committee
Faculty of Science

Yes, yes, I know that already, I've told you right from the start that I know that already. Up until now I haven't seen any real reason as to why I cannot take the module, as if my presence is going to adversely affect the poor Life Sciences students.

From: Kwan Wei Ming Ivan
Sent: Thursday, December 29, 2005 5:09 PM
To: DBS CORS Appeal
Subject: RE: Interest in reading LSM1103

Thank you for the prompt reply.

I do understand that there is a limit to the number of available places; however, as I have mentioned in a previous email, is it possible that in the case where there are still vacancies left after having been filled up by Life Sciences students, that I may have the opportunity to have a place then?

One question: Is this module entirely pre-allocated to Life Sciences students, or do students bid for it in CORS?

Yours sincerely,
Ivan Kwan

This would be the final try. The purpose of my question was to enquire if the class size was gauged according to the number of Life Sciences students that had yet to take the module, or if the class size was estimated and then filled up accordingly with interested students.

If it was the former there was more or less no hope for me to sway them, since it meant the class size was adjusted according to pre-existing student numbers, and in such cases it would be exceedingly hard to convince them to make an exception, especially since in faculties like Science and Engineering they still have 'classes' the way we did in pre-tertiary education. Hence it was likely that the class size was small and that everyone knew everyone else, and that I would strike quite an odd figure.

If it was the latter, there was still a glimmer of hope, especially since if the number of students who signed up for the module did not fill up all the vacancies available, it was still logically possible to open up one of the remaining vacant slots to other students.

From: DBS CORS Appeal
Sent: Fri 12/30/2005 10:43 AM
To: Kwan Wei Ming Ivan
Subject: RE: Interest in reading LSM1103

Dear Ivan,

Yes, it is preallocated to LSM students.

-----------------------------------------------
Life Sciences Operating Centre
Life Sciences Program Committee
Faculty of Science

This was it. Defeat was final. There was no way they would budge, no space, no loopholes for me to exploit, no other arguments I could use to attempt to convince them. Despite all my appeals to fairness and attempts to seek an answer that would convince me why I could not take the module, all they did was repeat the same old answer again and again and again. In the end, it all boiled down to pure interest and boundless enthusiasm smashing against the sheer monolithic will of the administration. Note how my first question was left unanswered.

Oh, and what a fine birthday gift it was for me too.

Of course, in this clash in which I tried to go against the status quo and was beaten back, I had to have the last word:

From: Kwan Wei Ming Ivan
Sent: Fri 12/30/2005 12:18 PM
To: DBS CORS Appeal
Subject: RE: Interest in reading LSM1103

Then in that case, if that is considered sufficient reason to exclude students from reading modules that they would love to take, I have nothing further to say.

Good day, and happy new year.

Ivan Kwan

Needless to say, they did not reply.

I wonder if there have been others before me, students who were greatly interested but were not allowed to take the module due to a stubborn thick-headed school administration.

To be honest, sometimes I get pissed off with the way modules in different faculties are managed. In Arts, we have lots of modules that are open to everyone, regardless of your major or faculty. Which probably explains why we have loads of Science students in some of our Geography lectures (especially where GE2219 Climate, Water and Environment was concerned). And for some of these students, the Stefan-Boltzmann Law is second nature to them, and they have no problem doing the dozens of calculations needed, giving them an advantage over us Geography students, many of whom ended up in Arts simply because of our weakness in Maths. True, having these students doing project work and tutorial assignments with you is an asset, but in the long run, consider that these Science students are coming over to take a module that just skims the surface of what they are dedicating 3 or 4 years of their life (and possibly even their entire career) to in their own faculty.

On the other hand, most modules in Science and other faculties are by and large closed off to all other students not from the same faculty. True, I am the first to admit that science is not everyone's cup of tea, and that it is essential to get a good grasp of the basics before one can attempt to take on more advanced modules, but I still fail to see why an introductory module like Biodiversity cannot be taken by a non-Life Science major.

I bookmarked the module in IVLE, and this is what I saw:



In case the graphics aren't working, here's what it says...

OVERALL AIM: To develop better awareness and understanding of Biodiversity; what it consists of; and why its conservation is important.

SPECIFIC OBJECTIVES

By the end of this course, you should be able to:

- Define biodiversity, and recognise its scope.

- Identify, compare and contrast the major groups or sub-groups of living organisms, including

- the key features that distinguish certain organisms from others.

- the key features that relate certain organisms to others.

- Write essays that clearly demonstrate understanding of various groups of living organisms and their key features.

- Understand the need for conserving biodiversity and be able to list the main reasons for doing so.

Na bei. I read about this sort of stuff in my free time. Virtually every day. For the last 15 years.

And under prerequisites:

You must not be afraid of the rain and sun!

You must dare to handle all kinds of plants and animals...

NNB. Unless you're expecting me to handle poison ivy, nettles or thistles or to pluck mimosa and acacia bushes, I have virtually no problems with plants at all.

And animals? I catch snakes, lizards, spiders, cockroaches and most other small critters with my bare hands. I don't think I need to boast more about how I am unafraid of most animals as long as I'm in a controlled situation (My only weakness: bees and wasps). Unless of course you're asking me to go pick up a stonefish or catch jellyfish without gloves, or try and copy Steve Irwin and wrestle with a crocodile, or jump into a viper pit without protective gear...

Scrolling further down the page, I discovered the locations for field trips:



OK... Kent Ridge Park... Changi Beach... the Zoo... Places I've always loved to go and explore, if only I had more time to myself. And as some of my friends who have gone with me to Underwater World, Sungei Buloh Wetlands Reserve, Chek Jawa or the Singapore Zoological Gardens can testify, I truly am in my element when in such places.

Apparently this is the syllabus for the module:

Lecture 01
Introduction to biodiversity, classification & nomenclature
Introduction to bacteria

Lecture 02
Bacteria I: Gram negative bacteria

Lecture 03
Bacteria II: Gram positive bacteria

Lecture 04
Protoctista

Lecture 05
Fungi and Lichens

Lecture 06
Lower plants

Lecture 07
Higher plants

Lecture 08
Introduction to the Animal Kingdom; Invertebrates I: Sponges, cnidarians and worms

Lecture 09
Invertebrates II: Arthropods and molluscs

Lecture 10
Invertebrates III: Echinoderms and protochordates

Lecture 11
Vertebrates I: Fishes, amphibians and reptiles

Lecture 12
Vertebrates II: Birds and mammals

Lecture 13
Biodiversity conservation

Now I'm depressed. Holy crap, this is almost exactly what I've always wanted to study throughout all the years I took Biology, and now I'm not even allowed to take the module.

The next section made me weep:



ASSESSMENT

1. Main examination (Total: 60%):

The main examination will be an OPEN BOOK examination. The students have to answer the following:

a) 2 essay questions in the animal section (20%),

b) 40 multiple-choice questions (15 Microbiology + 15 Plants + 10 Animals) (40%),

2. Continuous Assessment (Total: 40%):

Part a - Microbiology – Short questions (10%)

Part b - Plants - Short questions (5%) + Essay (5%)

Part c - Animals - 10 MCQ (10%) + 1 Essay (10%)

Holy cow, it's an open-book exam??! (Although it means that I cannot dazzle and impress with full Latin names and extensive knowledge and whatnot) And the CA seems too easy to be true. Being an Arts student, writing essays is part and parcel of my education. I would totally own this module.

I know I'm not perfect, and that there are of course many sections where I would need to work extra hard in order to keep up with the rest of the class (Plants and microbes are not my forte), but I cannot believe that all my years of self-study and self-discovery wouldn't help me out at all.

I might seem a little too cocky and arrogant, but believe me, I have this funny feeling that if I had actually been allowed to register for this module, I might probably have been more than capable of holding my own against the Life Sciences students, and possibly even exceed them in certain areas.

Which on hindsight, would be quite embarrassing and humiliating for a Life Sciences student; imagine if I had topped the class. All the other students in the class would probably be cursing at me, and passing comments on my probable lack of a life, thus accounting for my encyclopaedic knowledge and boundless enthusiasm on the subject.

But I guess such a scenario will never come to pass. Life Sciences students can sleep soundly, not knowing that an Arts student came so close to proving that interest, fascination, and extensive research and discovery and knowledge accumulated over the years still counted for something, even in Singapore's education system.

Dammit, it just makes me feel pissed off all over again.

Scrolling all the way to the bottom of the module page, I finally came upon something that could actually reasonably bar me from taking the module:



Lab coat and goggles must be worn at all times during the practical session, especially during the Microbiology practical (Practical 2).

Oh alright, this is something that I'll concede for once. Although if I had actually been tenacious and actually been willing to fork out the cash just to get a labcoat and a pair of goggles solely for the sake of this module, maybe the administration would have relented. Or maybe not.

And hey, who says I need to buy a labcoat? I don't know if I could have always just borrowed Teck Soon's labcoat, provided his practical sessions didn't clash with the one for Biodiversity. And hey, come to think of it, I do recall seeing a labcoat somewhere in the Arts Club Room back in June of last year... (Don't ask me how it got there; I seriously don't know) And I could always rummage through my junk and see if I can find the lab goggles I had in JC.

See? Even such a problem could be easily resolved with tenacity and the willingness to go the extra mile. It still baffles me to no end as to why the administration was just simply so unmoveable. I don't think it's every day they get students outside the faculty requesting to take core modules.

My own conspiracy theory is that the administration did actually detect my interest and enthusiasm, but decided not to accept me, so as not to make the Life Sciences students lose face and feel bad about themselves should an Arts student happen to resoundingly trounce all of them in one of their core modules. Ha, that's just a silly idea, and hey, I flatter myself too much sometimes.

There is a part of me that just wonders if I should just sit in at the lectures anyway, but given that my experiences pertaining to the module have been far from pleasant, I have my reservations. According to the module webpage attendance is taken for the lectures, and I have a feeling that it is indeed one of those small classes where everybody is in the same course and everyone knows each other. I would stick out like a sore thumb, unless I was thick-skinned enough.

I could also look in the IVLE class roster for the module, gauge class size and see if I could just sit unnoticed in a little corner. But apparently in a bid to improve security and privacy, this option is open only to students taking that particular module. Damn.

As much as I know that I probably come across sounding quite cocky and arrogant, but this whole experience has been very bitter for me. I remember the times when my animal knowledge seemed to exceed even that of my teachers in school; I remember how I could just identify a passing bird or lizard and even rattle off its Latin name and a couple of other random facts completely off the top of my head. I remember sitting in front of the television, watching all those wonderful animal documentaries, or complaining how the latest movie in the cinemas screwed up where it came to depicting animal biology or behaviour (Don't get me started on why I absolutely detest shows like Anaconda or Deep Blue Sea). I remember all the hours I've spent in the library, poring over book after book after book on animals, or seated in front of the computer monitor, eagerly devouring papers reporting the latest discoveries.

How all that has come to naught. It's at times like this that I've realised what a farce meritocracy is. And so much for a "Global Knowledge Enterprise", which 'aspires to be a dynamic connected knowledge community imbued with a "no walls" culture which promotes free flow of talent and ideas', and where 'individual members of our community enjoy access to diverse opportunities for intellectual and professional growth'.

As much as I dislike corporate mission statements and all that pretentious crap, it's ironic how my attempts to enjoy this supposed free flow of talent and ideas have run straight into an unshakeable wall. "No walls culture" indeed... Instead, out of all the regrets I have had while in NUS, this is probably the biggest and most painful one I will ever have. That a rigid and inflexible faculty administration decided that they would do everything within their capacity to prevent a student from taking an introductory module on something he has devoted his free time for the past 15 years to.

(Note: I just looked through some of the quizzes they had for the practical sessions and field trips from previous semesters. I. Want. To. Weep. These are things I read about and knew when I was in secondary school, dammit!)

So I just got home from this:


(Sorry for the crappy quality, saving pictures in JPEG format does that)

It was great fun, great music, great company, lots of dancing and babes, and of course, all the crazy hand movements, many of which I could follow pretty well. Plus I did get some time on the platform. Nice...

I loved how once it was past midnight, we were on a perpetual high, dancing along to all the hits one would normally hear at a regular Mambo Jambo. Almost every song one would hear at Mambo was played, and almost all the songs were eagerly welcomed with lots of cheers, especially perennial favourites such as those by Belinda Carlisle, Bananarama and Rick Astley. But with a great deal more space on the dancefloor, of course.

Drinks were extremely diluted and watered down, but hey, I club to dance, not to drink, so there.

I think I spotted a few other familiar faces; the regular old-timers who always hog the podium in Zouk, the ones who have trained and honed their skills such that their actions are perfectly synchronised and everyone else in the club is eagerly following their every gesture. Now THOSE are what I call real Mambo professionals.

Plus I saw a couple of people I've seen around school; folks who were in the same tutorial groups as I was. Don't know if they saw me or not, but oh well, if they were still around after 3, they probably saw me on the podium anyway.

Thanks to Lok Yan, Peijuan, Benny and Kay, who narrowly averted disaster while I was still waiting for Clarabelle to arrive. At least I didn't count down to 2006 alone.

Thanks to Clarabelle for finally arriving and spending a wonderful night with me; I've missed you and it's nice that we've still managed to find time just to have a wild and crazy night of dancing together.

And thanks to all the nice and wonderful people who literally flew my aeroplane or 放飞机 as they say. I'm referring to all my regular Mambo Jambo kakis from Arts. Hope you guys enjoyed your own New Year's Eve celebrations. You guys just don't know what you all missed. From a potential list of 10 or so, whittled down until it was just me. Luckily I'd decided to ask Clarabelle out, otherwise I'd have been in there all alone. (Which I was, at least for the first half hour or so)

It's not too late to make amends guys. How about the first Mambo Jambo of 2006? Next Wednesday, kia...

So that was how I spent the first few hours of 2006. Sure beats getting sprayed on by strangers at Orchard Road, or squeezing with the crowd at Sentosa (and getting sand in your underwear) and then getting soaked in the rain.

Listening to: Summer Rain by Belinda Carlisle